


The Weight of Guilt

by Ayessel



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Recovery, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:01:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28278060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayessel/pseuds/Ayessel
Summary: Max is overcome by the guilt of abandoning her best friend for 5 years in the worst of her grief and is pushed to an extreme upon seeing what Chloe's grief did to her
Relationships: Maxine "Max" Caulfield/Chloe Price
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	1. Extreme Measures

**Author's Note:**

> okay this won't be an ongoing! just really extremely dark one shot with a happy ending because this is stuck in my head 
> 
> Please understand that suicide is never the answer and that you should talk so someone about your problems, if you are thinking of committing suicide or are self harming please seek help any way you can

Max looked back on her life as she stood in the shower of the Blackwell girl's dorm, she had abandoned her friend in the worst part of her life. She had up and left the girl after her fathers funeral and didn't even have the common decency to keep in touch _I left her at the worst point in her life and never even had the courage to tell her the truth. 5 years with no contact when I promised to keep in touch, some friend I must have been_

The dark thoughts and guilt clawed at Max's mind swirling around in her mind as the scalding water lashed at her skin sending familiar twinges of pain to her head as it burned her giving providing her the pain she thought she deserved _it's the least I deserve, even when back in Arcadia Bay I fail to even walk into the Two Whales because her mother is there. I still saw her though, didn't even recognize her with the punk getup and blue hair... she even had tattoos, what did she go through to warrant such drastic changes? what pain has she felt the past 5 years with no one to help her? I failed her as a friend and I can't even talk to her again so she can be angry with me, I'm hiding from my crimes. Max felt disgusted with herself as she blamed herself for the pain Chloe felt_

Looking over to the razor blade she had grasped in her hand she looked over the edge with morbid curiosity _I wonder how this is going to feel... will I die painfully? or is blood loss going to make me pass out before that? Doesn't matter. I'm going to die either way what does it matter if i'm going to suffer for it, suffering would be the least that I owed her, and I thought I loved her? How can you love someone and abandon them for 5 years in the worst part of their lives? I left a note explaining everything to her I hope she accepts her payment..._ Max's thoughts trailed off as she pressed the corner of the blade to her left wrist and pulled up her arm, dropping the blade and collapsing to her knees before she could cut her other wrist, her heart hamming from the adrenaline rush she was feeling.

Max could feel the tears rushing down her face as she watched her blood run down her arm and swirl down the drain "I'm so sorry" she sobbed feeling faint. Curling up on her side with cut arm lying on the floor slowly gushing more and more of her blood, spilling more and more of her life on the shower floor _I didn't get my other arm, I was too scared I couldn't hold on anymore.. It doesn't matter anyways I'm probably still going to bleed out from this..._ Max curled up tighter as she repeatedly sobbed "I'm sorry" and "Chloe"

Max could feel her vision fading to black as she lost more and more blood, a sudden loud knocking and a worried "Max!?" followed by a gasp pulled Max's attention away from her thoughts momentarily, enough for her to notice her blood had barely seeped out under the stall door. max recognized Kate's shoes as her vision nearly fully faded as her last thoughts came onto her mind _I'm so sorry Kate I didn't think you'd have to see me like this_ and for what seemed like would be the last time Max was fully engulfed by fear as her mind fluttered into unconsciousness _oh god I'm going to die... I don't want to die...._

* * *

Kate hadn't heard from Max all day, she had been shut in her room for what seemed like hours, Kate could hear the odd muffled sob every now and then and tried to knock and speak to Max but every time she tried she was met with silence. Kate had decided to do something that she knew Max enjoyed from her, she would practice violin, she didn't think she was that good but Max had told her time and time again that it made her feel happy to hear her play, so she did. Picking up her violin and placing it on her shoulder and resting her cheek on it she let out a sigh before pulling the bow down across the strings, starting one of the songs she had recently been practicing.

It was early in the evening when Kate started to play but as time dragged on and she got more and more immersed in her playing she could feel herself start to lose touch on what she was originally doing, she knew why she was playing but the original worry that had plagued her so was slowly starting to vanish. That is, until, she heard a bang coming from Max's room.

Kate stopped playing and listened intently for a few seconds trying to figure out what was going on, soon she heard hurried footsteps going from Max's room to the showers. Letting out a sigh of relief she started playing again _seem like Max is going to take away some of her stress in the shower, I do hope she feels better afterwards_ she thought absently as she began playing again

Losing track of time Kate stopped playing when her arm started getting really tired looking at the time she saw that it had been an hour and a half since she last heard anything from Max, feeling concern worm it's way into her head she opened her door and walked out into the hall to see quite a lot of steam coming from the showers _has she has the shower on the highest heat for an hour and a half!? is she thinking straight!?_ Kate thought as an arrow laced with worry and concern pierced her heart, walking cautiously over to the door to the showers she pushed the door open a little and her brows knitted together at the sound she hear. Kate could hear max sobbing and mutter words she couldn't make out to herself. Deciding she would ask Max what was wrong she stepped into the showers and walked over to the closed cubicle.

Now close enough to touch the cubicle door, Kate could finally make out what Max was muttering between sobs. She could her the same two things repeated over and over,"I'm sorry" and "Chloe". Kate knocked loudly onto the cubicle as worry took over her as she loudly exclaimed "Max!?" before looking down to the floor.

Kate's stomach immediately did a flips and shot through the floor as she looked down and saw a pool of red steadily inching closer to her "Max! are you there! speak to me! are you okay?" Kate shouted into the cubicle but got no response "Somebody help in here!! we need help!" Kate screamed towards the door to the shower room as she watched the pool of red slowly inch closer and closer 

She could hear the instant commotion of doors thumping open and closed and hushed whispers making their way quickly towards the door as a group descended on the showers. Dana was the first one in, followed by Victoria and Courtney with Brooke close behind

"What the fuck is going on Kate? you basically woke the entire fucking dorm up with that scream" Came the snarky remark from Victoria

"M-max!" Kate managed to bleat out, pointing to the blood stain encroaching on the group "I-I... She never spoke to me the entire day and I could hear crying in her room, she hadn't been back for an hour and a half so I came to check on her and I could hear mumbling but now she isn't responding yo have to help her! please!" Kate managed to get out while fighting the tears that overtook her as she collapsed to her knees from the shock

Dana looking to the pool of blood and to Kate's distraught state and a panicked look overtook her "Shit!" she shouted out "Max, modesty be damned if you don't answer us in the next 2 second I'm kicking the door in" she said sternly as she planted her foot on the floor getting ready to kick, hearing no immediate response she planted a firm kick against the shower cubicle where the bolt would lock it, breaking the door open

Everyone present in the shower rooms froze momentarily as Max's form was revealed, lying nude on the cubicle floor curled up on her side with her wrist bleeding heavily, Immediately Kate rushed in under the pour of the water and started to put pressure on Max's wrist, trying to slow the bleeding "Max!" she screamed, desperation evident in her voice "Don't give up! please just hold out for a little bit help is on the way!" she sobbed as she continued holding her wrist in her hand, applying pressure to the wound "Victoria call the fucking ambulance!" she screamed at the blonde in an act of desperation, she merely just nodded and whipped out her phone immediately dialing 911

"911 what's your emergency?" said the voice on the other end of the line

"A girl has slit her wrists and is bleeding out heavily we need an ambulance as quick as possible" Victoria stumbled out as her brain fought to catch up

"Okay, what's your current location we'll have an ambulance there as soon as possible." came the reply

"Blackwell Academy, we're in the shower room on the first floor of the girls dormitories"

"Okay, an ambulance is en route and will be with you soon, is the girl unconscious currently?"

"yes we she was awake a few minutes ago, she only just passed out before we got to her"

"okay have someone apply pressure until the paramedics arrive at the scene"

"o-okay" Victoria managed as she her brain just caught up to the events of the evening, she could feel herself shaking as she looked over the seemingly lifeless body of the girl she used to tease relentlessly

Kate let out a sigh as the paramedics hauled Max away on a stretcher, the blood on her hands felt sticky and revolting as remembered the events of the night, Max was alive although she was in a bad shape, turns out she only managed to cut one of her wrists before collapsing so the blood loss wasn't as bad as it could have been

all she could do was pray for Max's recovery

* * *

Chloe was woken up from her sleep by her mother, Joyce, who had woken her up telling her that someone was at the front door and wanted to speak with her _Jesus who the fuck could be wanting to speak with me at fucking midnight? can't I just having a moment of fucking peace in this town? now not even my sleep is safe..._ Chloe's thoughts trailed off as she walked to the front door to see a meek looking blond girl with her hair in a bun and a cross around her neck holding an envelope. _okay? what the fuck?_

"Hi, you must be Chloe?" The girl said with a sad look in her eyes

"Yep, the one and only, now why exactly do you wanna talk to me?" Chloe said with a hint of irritation in her voice

"Can I come in? this is really important and you might want to sit down for this..." she trailed off with a far away look in her eyes before snapping back to reality and looking at Chloe with a tiny smile in her face

"Uh... sure? come in I guess" Chloe stood to the side and gestured for the girl to come in, as she closed the door only one thought was going through her mind _what the fuck is going on?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally this was gonna be one massive chapter but I've split it into two, this is the darker of the two and the next will have the reunion and happy ending, don't worry, Max isn't dead! I don't think I could handle writing that on an emotional level
> 
> this is also kind of a trial run for me writing darker themes in stories


	2. Concequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate tells Chloe what Max did and Chloe sets out to find her long lost best friend again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait for this chapter I've feeling kinda terrible for the last few days and obviously i didn't wanna write anything on Christmas so here we go with the second half of the story!

Chloe stood to the side, gesturing for the girl to come in. Closing the door behind the blonde she started to wonder why the hell this girl she had never even seen before needed to speak to her at midnight of all times

"So whatcha want with me then?" she asked sitting down opposite the girl in the living room

"W-well uhm... how well do you now Max Caulfield?" The girl asked, with what Chloe thought looked like tears being held back in her eyes

"We were best friends... she moved away 5 years ago though and I've not heard from her since, why?" Chloe asked with confusion laced throughout her tone

"S-she... here" the girl said handing her a letter with her name on it _this is Max's handwriting! I can't believe she hasn't changed it in 5 years..._

"what's this then why did she write me a letter?" Chloe shot back now thoroughly confused as to what the fuck was going on

"It's not a letter Chloe... A-at least I don't t-think it is.." the blonde replied in what was nearly a whisper "M-max she... I... She tried to kill herself Chloe..." Kate said looking Chloe in the eyes, tears streaming down her face "I-I found her in the showers s-she had c-cut her wrist and was b-b-bleeding everywhere" Kate said as she wiped her face trying not break down completely "I went into her room after she was taken to the hospital... I wanted to tidy it for her coming back but... I found that letter, I think it's a suicide note addressed to you, I thought you should see it as soon as possible so I took it straight to you, your address was printed on the back" Kate having finished her speech immediately began silently crying as she handed over the letter to Chloe

_what. the. fuck._ Was the only thought going through her head as she processed what was being told to her _Max was in Arcadia bay and she never told me?_ _wait no why am I focusing on that sure she never told me but she tried to fucking kill herself!? what the fuck was she thinking??_ Chloe's thoughts raced as she looked down at the letter and slowly opened it. Chloe was a mix of emotions, anger, sadness, and a little bit of an emotion she couldn't quite place at the moment were all swirling through her and clouding her head _this better give me some fucking answers before my head explodes_

**Hey Chloe,**

**I'm sure by this point you've been told of what I did and are wondering why, but I'll get to that point soon, so just let me pretend for a bit okay? Let me pretend that I was a good friend and stayed in contact, just for a little. Anyways how have you been? I've not seen you in 5 years! Like wowsers, it feels like an eternity since I last saw your face it's driving me insane! I keep remembering the times we used to play pirates, I really do love thinking back on that it was such a great time in our lives I wish I could make it like that again.**

**Pretending over, I'm sorry Chloe. I'm so, so, fucking sorry. I left you behind for 5 years and it fucked with me hard. I didn't make any friends and I was bullied a lot in Seattle for being the weird quiet kid... fuck i'm just making excuses, you shouldn't be feeling sorry for me. I abandoned you for 5 fucking years and never even called, some friend I was huh?**

**The truth is I never called because I was scared, I was scared you'd yell at me or be angry with me for moving and I just couldn't take that the thought of you being angry with me broke me so I never called, though I wanted to, every single day I'd think about calling but after everyday I didn't it got harder and harder to actually make the call.**

**When I came back I went looking for you, I thought i'd just surprise you by turning up, Long Max Silver back on deck, but when i finally found you, I saw how much your pain had changed you and I ran, I saw what I'd caused and knew I'd never be able to show my face to you again. Knowing that my action had caused you pain enough to change you so much fucked me up, because... I love you. I always have but i've been too shy to say it. I know what I'm about to do and because I can't explain my whole life here I'm leaving you all the stuff I brought to Blackwell. My camera, diary, decorations, and even all my clothes. All yours. I don't care if you burn them or rip them up of bury them but just do me one favor. I love you Chloe, and the times I shared with you before I moved away were the best moments of my life and I treasure them dearly so do me this one favor and never forget them. I love you Chloe Elizabeth Price and don't you dare forget about me.**

**\- Max Caulfield**

_fuck Max..._ Was the only thought on Chloe's mind as tears streamed down her face. reading over the letter over and over causing thoughts of the breckled brunette to rattle around in her mind as the words "I love you" bounced around her head. _Caulfield you idiot the only thing you had to do was tell me_

_"W-we managed to find her in time, she's in hospital recovering now. The bleeding stopped the last I heard so I think she'll be fine..." Kate trailed off_

_Chloe looked up before hugging the blonde girl "Thank you" Chloe muttered before grabbing her keys and running for her truck_

* * *

Running into the hospital out of breath Chloe approached the front desk where the receptionist looked up at her

"Hi what room is Max Caulfield in?"

"Visiting hours are over miss..."

"It's just an inquiry, you won't get into trouble for only relaying information..."

"room 10-11, round the corner first room on the left" the receptionist said with a sigh

"thanks a bunch" Chloe said with a wink to the girl as she slipped past, immediately heading for the room. Opening the door silently she slipped in and closed the door.

Chloe looked at Max and her breath caught in her throat, her hair wasn't tied in a ponytail any longer and was short, her hair covered her forehead and freckles still dotted her face, she looked in an awful state but Chloe still couldn't help to think she looked adorable. Chloe's eyes raked down her body and landed on her right arm, bandaged and blood stained, her heart dropped as it fully hit her why she's here in the first place

"Chloe" came the weak cry from an unconscious Max "I'm so sorry Chloe" she could hear her cry in her sleep _she wasn't lying, moving away must have really fucked with her if she's even apologizing in her sleep_ she approached Max and sat on the side of her bed, absently stroking her hair

"It's okay" she whispered "I forgive you" Chloe watched as almost immediately Max's expression softened and although asleep she seemed to smile a little sending Chloe's hear into the stratosphere

Max's eyes started to open and locked onto Chloe

"Chloe?" she asked wearily as Chloe continued to stroke her hair

"Sup' dude" Chloe said with a faint grin plastered on her face 

"Why are you here? where am I?" a confused Max asked as her eyes filled with tears a little 

"You're at the hospital, I read the letter you left for me..." Chloe said as she looked down with a grim expression

"Oh...." was Max's only reply as she lay there with Chloe still stroking her hair

"you really are an Idiot y'know that?" Chloe said with a wide grin aimed at Max

"Huh?" was all Max could manage before Chloe's lips were pressed against her, almost instinctually Max's hands were in Chloe's hair, pulling a little and eliciting a soft moan from her, Chloe and Max held the kiss until both were fighting the urge to breath and pulled back from one another

"You're an Idiot because I love you too, I could never hate my first mate" Chloe said with a dumb smile "Now kiss me again or I'll have you walk the plank" Chloe said fighting off the giggle that threatened to break through the surface

"Aye aye captain" Max's said with a smile and tears rolling down her face as she pulled Chloe by the hair and down into another Kiss, this one more passionate and raw as the two Kissed like they needed it to survive, one completing the other. It was a desperate, hungry kiss and the two parted to breath again, resting their foreheads together

"You didn't forget about me I guess" Max said with a giggle

"Of course not..." Chloe said pulling Max into a hug "Just please don't leave me by dying... don't do that to me..." tears beginning to stream down her face Chloe hugged Max harder "because Max Caulfield, I love you. I couldn't forget about you even if I tried"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feels like this was a shorter chapter so I'm sorry for that I guess but here's the second part with the happy reunion hope you enjoy, I'll be updating my other fic either tomorrow or the day after 
> 
> I hope the chemistry between Max and Chloe was believable this is my first attempt at writing something intimate like this


End file.
